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Tuesday, March 9, 2010
March 9, 2010
The Red Sea
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Archeologists and anthropologists at the University of Duh announced today a new tablet was found in the Red Sea.
Amid speculation that the announcement was part of a media blitz by Apple, Inc. in advance of the release of the new iPad, members of the worldwide media group were stunned to find physical evidence of a 3'x3' block of stone, carbon dated back to the time of Moses.
Professor I.P. Knightly and study co-author Professor Rusty Bedsprings held up the tablet which read in English translation:
Whether from the time of the burning bush or from the smoking weed, scientists agree that our happiness can be understood in terms of our expectations divided by the results we obtain.
"Imagine how you'd feel if you got 90% on a test but only expected to get 50%," Professor Knightly explained. "You'd be thrilled!"
"But, on the other hand," Professor Bedsprings interjected, "if you expected to get 90% but got only 50%, then you'd likely be significantly upset."
But what does all this mean?
According to upstate new york sociology professor, 'Whip' T. Doo, "it means we must take advantage of every situation. We have to hope for, work towards and expect the best ... but we also need to be prepared to accept less than the best some of the time.
"After all," Professor Doo continued, "we have to wrap our minds around the fact that some days we're the pigeon and other days we're the statue."